I'm Alive.

Fear not, I am alive, even though Laura did not call me back! If she thinks I'm just going to call once and leave one little message she can think again. I'll call everyday for the next two weeks if that's what it will take to secure this job!

On another note I would like to discuss babies, and men. And we all know that you can't have babies without men, or maybe you could. It all depends on if you feel confident enough to march into a sperm bank, and demand some random man's sperm be injected into you which, I do not, so this point is moot. HOWEVER. I would like to send a congrats to my two friends who have joined the ranks of motherhood. It has surprised me how many women I know that are pregnant this year, 5 to be exact, and two of them have had their babies. Two are due in November and my very favorite love is due right around my birthday in January. It weirds me out honestly that this stage of ourlives is happening. Seeing all my friends fall in love and get married and have babies.... or have babies and get married I mean sometimes the egg comes before the chicken, and I'm okay with it. Sometimes I feel like life is one big boat race, and everyone is working in their teams to get to the finish, and I'm stuck at start because I've lost my orrs, or perhaps they fell in the water, or maybe I forgot to bring them. Either way I am orrless.

Let me first of all say that I am not seeking to be in a relationship right now, but I'm....silently observing. I'm looking to see what's out there. I've been viewing the men on the online site I'm apart of, and I look at these guys, and read their profiles and I can't even picture myself with them. Like in my mind I see me smiling with like a dog at my side, ya know looking quite happy and content and then next to me is the blank cut out of what would be man with his arm around me, and we look completely happy and blah blah blah, what I'm getting at is that every man I put in the blank cut out space doesn't look right. Like I don't fit with anyone. Has anyone else felt like this?? I mean I do know of one guy that would fit in there quite nicely; however, I feel like he doesn't know what he wants, and he doesn't like to talk about feelings and emotions. That situation is more complicated then what it's supposed to be, and I don't know if I want to wait for him to come around (cause that could literally be forever) or if I should see what's out there. Like I said I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I'm not planning on being single forever either.

I mean I do want kids eventually, and I'm outright opposed to going to a sperm bank, and asking for their finest specimen. I'm completely happy for all my lovers who have found love. I guess all I can do is wait....as patiently as I can for something that I feel is so uncertain.

On a happier note I was a baking fool tonight. I made two loaves of white bread (which turned out quite delicious) and I made some more M&M cookies, and so I don't gourge myself on them I plan on bringing them to work tomorrow. Also on a happier note I only work three days this week...thank God!

I can't wait two weeks!!

The suspense alone will kill me, and I'm not just being dramatic, it really will!

What am I going on about you ask yourselves. Well, I'm waiting to be propositioned. Not like that! but from hopefully a future employer. You see, I applied at Farmer's insurance, to work in the call-center, and They actually called me for an interview! I met with the Recruiter, Laura was her name, very nice girl. Just over a week ago. Last Friday I actually got to interview with the supervisors. It was a rigarous two hour interview. With NASA designed tests and puzzles and even a sword fight with some big black man named Tito...Just kidding! But it really was a two-hour interview; however, I think the interview went well...I think, but they told me and the two other people that it was going to be two weeks before we heard anything. This makes me nervous. I can't wait two weeks!! I called the recruiter today to see if she had discovered any late breaking news reguarding this, but she has yet to call me back.

The last time I interviewed with Farmer's I got an e-mail two days later saying that they were going to pursue other candidates... Now, every time a new e-mail dings in on my phone. I get that pang of nervousness. Like you don't want to look, but you know you have to. Thankfully, they've all been junk mail.

Why am I so determined to work in a Farmer's insurance call center? Better financial security. The pay is much better than where I'm at now, and I hear the benefits are pretty good. I know I'm nearly done with my Medical Assisting degree, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Living paycheck to paycheck is the understatement of the year for me. It'd be nice to work somewhere where I get a yearly (performance based) raise. It'd be nice to work somewhere that I could actually have a savings account, and actually be able to put money into it.

Keep praying for me friends...Also if I don't post anything by tonight, someone come check on me. It might be possible that I have infact died from the suspense.

My computer is about to die, and I feel the need to bake some more white bread.