Over the weekend I would see and acknowledge the date, but I wouldn't think, "Oh Tuesdays my birthday!" like what I would normally do for every birthday. My roommate asked me Saturday what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I looked at her as though she was asking me a whole year in advance, "We have a while before we have to start talking about that." "Cass, we have three days."
I don't know why this birthday is having such an impact on me. Maybe because I have three more years until I'm 30, and I'm terrified I'm going to be in the exact same place in life as I'm in now. For those of you who don't know 30 is my scary age. It's the age where if I don't have everything accomplished that I want to accomplish then that's it. Game over. 30 to me is like Christopher Columbus claiming the world is flat. I'm afraid I'm going to fall off into a huge abyss of some greater unknown.
I definitely thought I would be in a completely different place by this age. I thought I'd be finicially stable, Have a job that I love making decent money, and atleast had one serious relationship under my belt.
I mean I'm making things happen. It's not like I'm not trying. I'll finish up shcool in August (By the time I finish my externship). Finicial stability will come with the better paying job, but the long term relationship.... I don't know what to think about that. I know the guy I want, but can't have. I always said by the time I'm 30 if I wasn't married and had kids then I wasn't going to. I realize that with each year that goal seems a little less attainable.
*Sigh* 27, be kind to me.
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